Living in Electric Dreams...

GRADUATION PICTURE

Sun, 29 Jul 2007 07:20:58 GMT

Finally had my grad picture taken last thursday. That's one step closer to actual graduation - which is coming way to fast. College went by faster than grade school and high school. Now we're supposed to be ready for the "real world".

On the lighter side of things, the photographer was cute! And the make-up artists were entertaining. They even did a hair-do on me called "THE COBRA" (just imagine how this looks like) which I quickly tamed as soon as they turned away. The hardest was thinking of a creative pose. I kept asking myself the question: "Who am I?" - a question which I really don't have a clear cut answer to just yet! I finally ended up sleeping on books and having someone wake me up - Wake Up Your Seatmate? Get it? Hahahaha

Oh well, lets hope everyone's pictures come out looking GREEEAAAT and that my write-up appears (because it didn't in our high school yearbook! :s).

The end and the beginning is near my friends!

WHHHYYY MEEEE????

Tue, 12 Jun 2007 04:18:46 GMT

(WARNING: This entry is also in my multiply page. I just feel the need to post it everywhere because I'm feeling an enormous amount of self-pity and I want the world to know because I'm a drama queen like that. If you're my friend, you won't mind at all. :P)

I'm sorry but i just can't help but feel soooo damn sorry for myself. Its been two weeks since someone entered my room, took my Macbook, my digi cam, an old ixus camera, my old cellphone, 15k cash (which was in my underwear drawer), my backpack (with the hair that belli and cho cut off in high school... gross) and a looooot of memories.... why? why?? why??? i feel like i've lost all my memories and experiences. all the time spent with friends, family.... gone! i've become a slave to technology! screw digital pictures, screw laptops, screw my internet illiteracy and not uploading pictures right away, screw that thief!!!! now that senior year is starting, i can't help but be all nostalgic and sentimental about how fast time has passed - and now i feel like i didn't go even through college because i don't have the pictures to prove it. if only i could turn back time, take all the pictures again, archive everything and lock my door. if only...

ok, thats all for mixed up priorities and self-indulgent venting.

nothing to do?!

Wed, 12 Oct 2005 11:54:23 GMT

nothing to do this saturday night? great!! :) come to the barn and catch "41st FLOOR SESSIONS"!! it's an event featuring all nine bands from the nescafe soundskool finals! fun fun fun!!! and best of all --> FREE ENTRANCE! haha :)

cookie productions presents

QUALITY YET CHEAP FOOD AND DRINKS. GREAT BANDS.
FREE ENTRANCE. SAN KA PA?

see you there!! :)

the aftermath

Sat, 01 Oct 2005 13:13:50 GMT

ok... so we didn't win.... it's really not that bad...... now i can go back to my school work (GREAT!) and won't have to worry about failing or not graduating..... how naive of me to think so far ahead or even concieve what i would say when we were called on stage to recieve our prize.... i mean it's JUST 150,000 pesos, a recording contract from EMI, iPod Shuffles and a trip to Boracay.... who needs that????...... i don't know what else to say..... the words that i jot down just might come out as bitter bickering, cause i'm totally not bitter.... I'M OKAY, REALLY..... HAHAHAHAHAHAH..... i'm laughing.........HAHAHAHAHAHA...HAHAHAHA...HAHAHA....HAHA...HA....H-.... H-UH?!?!....ok ok ok fine, i admit it.... IT'S NOT OK!!!!!!!!!!!! ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! we fucking lost!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! waaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! daaaaaaaaaaammmmnnnnnnn iiiiiiiiiiittttttttttttt!!!!!!!!! *tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooot!!!!*

phew.... that felt good.

wish you were (ALL) here

Tue, 20 Sep 2005 12:52:15 GMT

I have this bad habit of not making the effort to constantly keep in touch with friends who are not in the country. I guess I am confident that these people will come back, be the same as they were, and pick up from where we left off. Now that I think about it though, as cheesy as it may sound, friendships are like seeds - they need to be nurtured in order for it to grow and become a healthy plant. And when they do become plants, it doesn't end there! The nurturing should continue! It's a shame to imagine such great friendships wilting away because of the distance, especially with all the technological advances available for communication. To everyone who has left (Amanda, Lols, Schnabel, Gege, Naz, Julianne, Macky, Tintin and everyone else I may have forgotten to mention!) I'm so sorry for not being the friend I ought to be... I just wanna assure you that Mia is here, alive and well, ready to be a friend once again! I miss you all!

round and round in squares...

Sat, 23 Jul 2005 17:18:45 GMT

i got my tongue pierced, i cut my hair, and still, i don't feel any cooler or any different... pathetic? yes. i'm still on this desperate attempt to stand out and leave some sort of mark. so far the only mark i feel as if i've made is the hole on my tongue. when will i ever get it through my thick skull that the best thing i can do is not to try so damn hard?!? ugh. i'd hate to belittle the sincerity of my actions but i can't help but think how superficial i can be towards myself...

inner peace, where art thou?...

P.S. vicky, help! i'm shallow!.... (like you! hahaha :p)

sa wakas, cool na tayo! :P

Fri, 17 Jun 2005 13:35:26 GMT

after a whole freshmen year and 3 days since sophomore year began, the loooong search is finally over! cool na tayo guys! may _en_h (fill in the blanks) na ang crench! haha :) i immediately got the blues when school first started. i expected to have some sort of authority over the newbies since we had already survived the first year, to evoke some kind of fear within the freshmen (*evil laugh*), unfortunately it was quite the opposite, i think they scared me more than a ghost could. i was a small fly in the midst of giant spiders thirsting to attack. but finally, as pathetic as it may seem, the load on my back is lighter because now i have a place to park my pack and sit my ass on! (woooohooooo!!!! happy happy joy joy!) good bye are the days where we would be walking cautiously across the caf with a sharp eye for any table that may be empty for a second and possibly oozing with people with just a blink of an eye. hello to a new era, an era of sweet convenience! ahhhhhh.... :)

finally...

Sun, 05 Jun 2005 14:15:11 GMT

guess what?!? after all the hype is over, the primitive me finally has msn messenger! add me guys! my id is sintada_amazona@yahoo.com
wooooooow!!! i never knew this could be so fun!!! hahaha :P

how do you love?

Wed, 25 May 2005 04:42:30 GMT

how do you know when you're loving someone 'the right way'? or if the love you have to offer is enough to suffice their needs? looking at myself, i don't seem to be doing things according to how their supposed to be done. (i'm saying this with the knowledge that things aren't supposed to be done in one way alone but isn't it comforting to know that you're doing something the prescribed or tried and tested way?) i don't write poems for him and even spend more time writing about other people, i don't dedicate songs to him, i don't have deep, soulsearching conversations with him, i don't selflessly spend all my money to buy him things that he might desire... but i love him.... and isn't it true that love is all you need? ooohhh the confusion.... love is a word thrown around too often that it makes me question the value of saying it. is love really all you need? is there something i'm missing? this relationship thing is fulfilling and mindboggling at the same time. i mean its good to know that you have a shoulder to lean on and in return you are a shoulder to lean on as well, but is all that comfort worth getting that feeling that you're not really giving your partner what he deserves? is it worth being in a relationship when its a half-baked one?

not a good start...

Mon, 28 Mar 2005 03:04:05 GMT

well, i'm back from cebu and bora is in 6 days.... but i'm not so happy... i'm filled with should've would've could'ves... actually, just one should've and thats I SHOULD'VE WORN SUNBLOCK! Ahhhhhh!!!!! I'm peeling!!!! My shoulders have white spots against a brown background. Its sick! What to do? What to do?? Talk about a chip on the shoulder! hahaha..ha...ha....ha...ugh.... I'm gonna be soooo hideous, a walking blob (yes, i gained weight too...) of uneveness... waaaaaaaaaaaah :..( noooooooooooo!!!!!!! let's just hope that the rest of boracay is too busy (or drunk ) to notice! haha

help...

random things

Sun, 27 Mar 2005 15:36:28 GMT

<td bgcolor="green"> You Are
Tangerine

You are a beautiful person, in a wistful kind of way. If you could, you would spend all your time daydreaming and writing poetry. You are a tragic beauty.

You are sensitive and caring, and you don't take insults well. You don't smile much, but when you do, you really mean it.

People like to be around you because you are a calming influence. You have an appreciation for all things beautiful, and you probably have some potted plants. You also most likely own a cat.

You like Sundays and hot tea. You will spend your entire life yearning for quiet beauty, which is a rarity in this world, so you read a lot.

Everyone you know thinks you're "nice."

Take the Which Led Zeppelin Song Are You? Quiz

from cebu...

Wed, 23 Mar 2005 01:51:40 GMT

its the third day of my family trip to plantation bay, cebu. i am a lobster! i am in pain! this is trip isn't the disaster that i thought it would be. its actually turning out to be a fun family affair. my lola has been fine. she hasn't really exploded on us, just a little lecture about spending quality time with her which we got when we decided to spend the day on a boat instead of in the mall with her. there are sooo many cool fish! i am going to enroll myself in scuba diving lessons when i get back. i miss marco! we wont be seeing each other for a week! when i get back tomorrow, he'll be on his way to tagaytay with his family. i'm making this experience without him as positive and healthy as it can be. its good that we finally have time to miss each other after spending the past months constantly side by side. (marco, if you are reading this: i love you!) i can't wait for bora!! woooohoooo! miss you all! see you when i get back! :P

*i still can't believe that i made an effort to find a computer so i could blog! (i feel like vicky! haha! miss you angels!)

today

Thu, 17 Mar 2005 12:56:44 GMT

A LATE START

Today I had my last exam for the year, the ever so dreadful MATH FINAL! And guess what?? Christel and I were late! hahaha! (wait, is that a laughing matter?) Not drastically late though, just a mere 10 minutes. After the test Christel and I exchanged sheepish looks. We had just become math geniuses after having invented many formulas for almost half the test! hahaha! (Once again, is this a laughing matter??) Oh well... hahahaha! :)

MAD AT MOMMY

Is it normal to have mom issues? My mom and i are rarely confrontational (to each other at least!). We hardly see each other despite being the only two people in the house most of the week (thats IF she's at home). And when we do see each other, its an exchange of hi's and superficial kuwento, like what new bags she found in greenhills or that new song she just downloaded. I guess our distant relationship isn't caused by the lack of love... Maybe it's because we've spent most of our lives apart (having lived with my dad for 15 yrs, etc.) or maybe we just aren't trying hard enough... I don't know.

My mom has this thing with lecturing me about the band (Wake Up Your Seatmate). She's not particularly against it but she has all these suggestions and comments. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate my mom's advice, it's just that sometime (well, most of the time) she is so condescending! She make's me feel as if every band decision I make is wrong. She bombards me with all these questions that I don't have concrete answers for because I myself am not the band alonde, I can't give an answer or make a decision for four other people. Especially now that we are being offered an indie record deal, she's being all contrabida by telling me that she doesn't trust the guys and what they are offering, at the same time she refuses to call them for a talk when they are readily available anyway! Ugh... She keeps saying that she will get her friend to manage us, etc. but up to this day, have we heard from this friend? No! We're finally getting some kind of reward for the hard work we've done as a band and here she is like a dark cloud on a sunny day calling me a know it all.

Maybe she's right... Maybe mom really knows best...

SCHOOL'S OUT!

Anyway, enough of the teenage angst...

YAHOOOOO!!! School is finally out and it is summer once again! Who knows what can happen this time around... hmmm :) As celebration to the unplanned and uncluttered days ahead, Marco and I had an unhealthy lunch at Wendy's and looked around ShoeMart. Boy, did I go insane! Instead of having a homework to-do list, I now have a mental things to buy list to replace it! I didn't bring money (to make sure that I would splurge) and instead took pleasure in window shopping. Of course I found a pair of big shades in just the color I wanted and I couldn't stand the thought of letting such a good buy pass (It was P179!) so I kindly asked Marco to buy it first, promising to pay him back. I can't wait to go back tomorrow for the 3-DAY SALE (Up to 50% off) and Midnight madness! Yeah!!

MACKY'S BELATED BIRTHDAY TREAT

I can't wait to go out tonight! Its my first night out for the summer!! WOOHOOO!! I hope its hip-hop so we can all get jiggy with it! Thank you macky! :) And sorry for not greeting you on time... Oops, does this mean I'm not invited anymore??

"Everybody is livin' it up
All the fellas keep lookin' at us ('cause)
Me and my girls on the floor like what
While the DJ keeps on spinning the cut
It's like that y'all..."

TOO LONG...

Is this too long of an entry? What can I say, I'm a blogger na talaga eh. Hahaha! (Is this joke getting old?) Anyway, thanks for reading it anyway... (Wait, thats if anyone read it! hahaha) By the way, check out deviant art: http://karmakameleon.deviantart.com/. I'm feeling artistic at the moment... take note, the key word is 'FEELING'!

Here's to a great summer for all of us! I can't wait for all the new killer kuwentos! Heeheeheehee :p

"Cause it's my night
No stress, no fights
I'm leaving it all behind
No tears, no time to cry
Just making the most of life..."

thank you

Fri, 11 Mar 2005 14:43:00 GMT

Last week, my math classmate asked me if I would get "weirded out" if a pre-school classmate remembered me... My answer was a slow and awkward "No... Why?". He gave me a look that somehow had "You're weird" written all over it.

The real question is: Why should I get freaked out?? All my friends now were my friends since the days Lisa Frank and Forever Friends Bears were the coolest abubots, using a ballpen in school instead of a pencil was a mark of a rebel, Goosebumps were the best reads, PE shoes were strictly black or dark blue, purchased from ShoeMart and Backstreet Boys alongside the Spice Girls were the shit!

So what is normal then? To be in and out of different groups with different people you will probably never encounter again or to be in a tight group with the same people you've been with all your life?

The answer? Whatever floats you boat I guess... But you know what? I consider myself to be lucky. I have a great set of friends who probably know each other as well as they know the back of their own hands. I am in a group where everyone is free to be themselves, no pretenses, whatsoever. A moment of brat attacking or all out bitchiness won't stain you for life... (or so i hope to believe! haha) These are the people I know I will be seeing in the future - the people who will be hiring strippers for my bridal shower and the people I will be hiring strippers for. Bwahahaha :)

Thanks guys! I know this is a pretty cheesy entry but what can I say? You guys are the best! haha :) Its been a great freshman year despite not having found a bench and instead scavenging for a table big enough for all of us in the caf! haha :) Besides, Bench Schmench, the world is our bench! Everyone say it with me: "DON'T WE?!?"

Love you all CRENCHIES! :)

food for thought... not really.

Mon, 28 Feb 2005 09:49:06 GMT

I have recently developed a liking for stripes. I love all things that have stripes on them! So don't be surprised if you see me in stripes all week. (No, i haven't run out of clothes to wear! haha)

Something has come to my attention however and please feel free to comment.
Why is it that we never really see a t-shirt with vertical stripes and we never see a button-down shirt or better known as a "polo" with horizontal stripes??? Is it simply a fashion no-no? Is there some fashion code that restricts stripe patterns to specific shirt styles??

Hmmm... something to think about.

blogger daw...

Wed, 23 Feb 2005 04:34:15 GMT

here i am blogging because recently marco and i have been coined by the school newspaper as bloggers. and i have always been taught to face everything head on, thus here i am blogging to say "so what!". besides, we're the ____ people, we can do anything we want! hahahahahahahahahaha :) i hope only us friends understood that!

yesterday i cut my hair... voila! its surprisingly not a disaster! (not like last years horrendous do... *ahem ahem* calling ms. isabel jalbuena and michelle pamintuan: hair stylist extraodinaire! HAHAHA, Ok maybe it wasn't that bad.)

(Guess What?!? Right now, as i write this, guess who sits in front of me.... Regina George herself! hahaha)

i'm so excited for the free day this friday!! finally, a vacation!! well, kinda... lets go out!!!

ok enough blogging for me, i'm running out of things to say... goodbye.

and the countdown begins...

Fri, 28 Jan 2005 02:21:00 GMT

" tis the season to be blacky, bora ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra!!!"

i can't believe it, we are nearing summer once again!
its time to dig up those short shorts, tank tops, bikinis and beach bags and set out for the great unknown or the great all-too-familiar... whatever suits your disposition.
i can't wait to bask in the sun, smell the aroma of suntan lotion and cover myself in abubots and pretend i'm some tribal native from tawi-tawi or something. gosh, i can smell the vomit and blue crap (thanks to the illusion) already! hahaha :)

here's to our "huling hataw" for school work (papers, midterms and the like... ugh)
and to an exciting adventure filled summer waiting for us just around the corner! :)

happy new year, happy new me?

Mon, 17 Jan 2005 06:15:29 GMT

its a new year. another year to experience new things as well as rediscovering the old - a fresh new canvas for me to splat my old paint on. i wonder what mistakes i'll be making this year? i wonder who i'm going to piss off? who am i going to make happy? who is going to make me happy? hmmm... the mystery... and hopefully my clue... :)

buzzz...

Fri, 03 Sep 2004 21:46:09 GMT

it's 5:26 in the morning. i've been awake since 1:30. later tonight i'll be dead asleep.

i was supposed to go to the midnight madness sale with Christel but i had to 2000 word paper to finish... sorry chris!
i should've ditched the goddamn paper and bought some useless thing just for the sake of buying something. priorities, priorities, priorities... i've gotta get mine straight.

i'm starving!i haven't eating anything but leftovers of mia f.'s bento box at 12:00 and a slice of leftover roast beef from last sunday... if i end up in the hospital for amoeba and food poisoning, you know why. no, i don't have an eating diorder, i just don't find the time to eat.

yesterday (or a few hours ago), i had my weekly dose of child's world!

*child's world is a school for mentally ill children (and some 20+ year olds)

the children were assigned in groups and were made to go around to different areas. i was assigned to do table tops... not very exciting but i had my share of exciting moments. dominic talked to me today!!! :) i'm sooo happy!!!
he never talks! he's very quite and it takes him awhile to answer your questions but today he was very interactive. we played with blocks and after that we played in the sandbox. dominic is a big kid. he's already 21 years old. he wears two blue buddha bead bracelets on his right wrist and a red swatch watch on his left wrist. every week i compliment his bracelets. i asked him the time and to my surprise he answered and so precisely at that. he said: "its 2:47..."
haaaay.... i feel fulfilled! :)

oh well, its time to wake up now (i'm already awake) because i have to go to school.... and tonight its boom's party! woohoo! can't wait.
let's just hope i don't fall asleep there!

"wake up, wake up, its a brand new day. all good things are coming your way..."

it's Saturday... AGAIN!

Sat, 28 Aug 2004 06:08:42 GMT

Is it just me or are the days going by so fast??
It's Saturday again! Wasn't it Saturday just a few days ago? It seems as if years have been reduced to months, months to weeks, weeks to days, days to hours, hours to minutes, and minutes to seconds. The world is changing with the blink of an eye. All of a sudden we're in the middle of the year 2004 when it was just like yesterday that we were all in fear of not living past Y2K.
College was such a mystery a few months ago and now it’s just another reality we're dying to get past.

The strangest part about the rapid change of things is that I haven't done anything or anything different at the least! All the lessons I wanted to take up two years ago are still the same lessons I want to take up now. All my resolutions from last year are the same resolutions I have for myself this year. Are we not maximizing the time given to us or is the world just too fast to keep up with?

It is true; the world goes on without you.

I can't think of anything better to say than "Carpe Diem!"
But that's all too cliché, isn't it? And people are jaded with clichés.
What then is "The" motivational catchphrase for this generation???

"SALE! 50% off! Hurry while supplies last!" How's that for motivation?

the angel from your nightmare

Fri, 13 Aug 2004 11:35:47 GMT

Everything seems to make sense. The scattered pieces of thee puzzle are coming together to form a picture - more specifically, THE ANSWER. Everything is a lie. I am the exact opposite of what I was made to believe of myself. I am not the wound nor the wounded, I am not the issue. I am but a scab (among the many), covering up a bigger and much deeper wound. I have been used to divert the attention away from a more diverse and complicated nightmare that one has attempted to bury before, but cannot forget....

I AM NOT THE ONE!

3 weeks after...

Mon, 28 Jun 2004 10:56:41 GMT

its been three weeks since "the college life" has begun... its been fine... so far.

as i sit here and think of things to write about, one prominent thought throbs in my mind.... SUMMER.

the friendships made and strengthened, the all-nighters, the sunsets, the hidden sunrise, the laughter, the tears, the cheap trinkets, the yummy fruit shakes, the cheap food, the jam jars, the hilariously drunk people who now have great stories to tell their children, the music, the clear sky, the stars, the fresh air and most especially -THE MAGIC. (cheeeeeessssyyyy!!!! haha)

call me pathetic, call me attached... but anyone who denies this feeling has obviously never felt it - PARADISE.

"...because it's not where you go...it's a moment you feel in your life... and when you find that moment, IT LASTS FOREVER..." - the beach

"...just open your mind and suck in the experience, and if its HURTS... you know what? ITS PROBABLY WORTH IT..." - the beach

here's one song that captures that "summer feeling"....

OCEAN AVENUE- Yellowcard

There's a place off Ocean Avenue
Where I used to sit and talk with you
We were both 16 and it felt so right
Sleeping all day, staying up all night
Staying up all night

There's a place on the corner of Cherry Street
We would walk on the beach in our bare feet
We were both 18 and it felt so right
Sleeping all day, staying up all night
Staying up all night

If I could find you now things would get better
We could leave this town and run forever
Let your waves crash down on me and take me away

There's a piece of you that's here with me
It's everywhere I go, it's everything I see
When I sleep, I dream and it gets me by
I can make believe that you're here tonight
That you're here tonight

If I could find you now things would get better
We could leave this town and run forever
I know somewhere, somehow we'll be together
Let your waves crash down on me and take me away

I remember the look in your eyes
When I told you that this was goodbye
You were begging me not tonight
Not here, not now
We're looking up at the same night sky
And keep pretending the sun will not rise
Be together for one more night
Somewhere, somehow

If I could find you now things would get better
We could leave this town and run forever
I know somewhere, somehow we'll be together
Let your waves crash down on me and take me away.....

*sigh*

the bitches

Mon, 31 May 2004 12:51:08 GMT

there are many recent memorable events that i would like to immortalize in my journal, however i feel that this topic i am about to wirte about deserves all the attention.....

THE BITCHES.

what else can i say? Six WONDERFUL girls with one thing in common... being bitchy... one way or another.

There's CAM - she loves blue but is anything but. she's extremely hyper, cheerful and smiley... BUT WHATEVER CAM WANTS, CAM GETS! (enter -jaws theme-) hahaha. cam is extremely kind and generous though, she lets us eat, sleep, drink in her house anytime we want to... Right cam??? She is the Cher to my Dione... does that make sense? *Note to everyone: Just because cam likes pink it doesn't mean she's ditsy!

There's MICHO - and i quote: "that's Michelle to you..." hahaha. cho and i are usually at each others necks but when we're in love, we're IN LOVE (and i don't mean that in a lesbian kind of way :p). she's driven and honest. i've learned so much from cho, about her and about myself. i'd like to think that she's learned something from me as well...hmmm... has she?? hehehe. we're more alike than we are different.

There's CATHY - the one that doesn't "seem" like a bitch... hahaha. BEWARE! Cathy is as feisty as any of us (and thats a good thing!)... although i have to admit that if there was a nice bitch, it would have to be her. She is extremely sweet and one hella good friend. The question is: "What pisses cathy off?"... But the real questions is: "Do you really wanna know?" (enter -twilight zone theme-) hahaha

There's MELA - mela is brown, mela has her 'own style' (if you know what i mean... hahaha). mela reads me like an OPEN BOOK, really! this bitch is close to all of us. she makes it a point to help us all out with our miseries. but don't be decieved... under the helpfulness is....well, Mela- a bitch. hahaha. i love her. the epitome of 'walang pake'! sleep mels, just sleep...

There's AMANDA - THE QUEEN BITCH! hahaha. even if she's far away, she still reigns! we can't seem to find a suitable replacement... maybe because amanda is irreplaceable... naks! :) amanda is honest, amanda is real, amanda is not afraid to love. come back bitch!

Then there's MIA - "thaaaatsss meeeeee!!!" i'll leave the judgment to YOU... hmmmm... hehe :)

Despite the negative connotation of the word 'BITCH', i think all it really means is being honest about your feelings and about each other.... and in the end, its all for the better.

Everyone has an inner bitch... LET HER OUT! hahaha :)

* NOTE: the great thing about being "a bitch" is having GREAT FRIENDS.... thats all of you! its great to know that you can be yourself and still have people to back you up. to my GREAT FRIENDS (other than the bitches of course), THANK YOU! You know who you are. :)

eht hturt (go figure...)

Wed, 26 May 2004 09:13:56 GMT

"...And all I need to know is that I'm something you'll be missin',is that I'm something that you're missin'..."

Wed, 26 May 2004 09:03:37 GMT

an anonymous user poseted a comment on my previous entry asking "why haven't you forgotten?"....

to be HONEST, i don't know...

i hate having to answer such a question with the cliche of cliches but some things are just easier left unknown or unexplained...

explainations lead to questions and questions need answers.

i, unfortunately, don't feel ready to provide any answers.

call it, escapism... call it, pathetic... call it, procrastination...

one thing's for sure... procrastination, escapism and the like are caused by one thing and that is FEAR.

I AM AFRAID.

I'm afraid of what i might find in the depths of my heart if i try to find some answers. I'm afraid of the consequences that i might have to face upon knowing the truth.

Am i cheating myself? Am i cheating the people around me??

I AM A COWARD.

Comfortably i hide in "i don't know's"...

WHY????

Forgive me....